20 Funny Wedding Readings That’ll make you smile & laugh

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Funny wedding readings : Wedding ceremony can be stressful time. Let’s have a Lovely and funny that makes everyone laugh funny wedding readings can be a great way to break the tension. It can also allow you to enjoy your special day a bit more.

20 Funny Wedding Readings that’ll make your laugh

Photography : Joseph Lin Wedding Photography via New York Wedding

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  • Hi,

    We’re looking for a funny reading . We want to have two readings in the ceremony, would like to have one of them a funny poem. I want something funny and romantic. But I cannot find one?

    Any help in this would be appreciated.

    Many thanks
    Sara

    • Try this

      “Love is” by Adrian Henri

      Love is…

      Love is feeling cold in the back of vans

      Love is a fanclub with only two fans

      Love is walking holding paintstained hands

      Love is.

      Love is fish and chips on winter nights

      Love is blankets full of strange delights

      Love is when you don’t put out the light

      Love is

      Love is the presents in Christmas shops

      Love is when you’re feeling Top of the Pops

      Love is what happens when the music stops

      Love is

      Love is white panties lying all forlorn

      Love is pink nightdresses still slightly warm

      Love is when you have to leave at dawn

      Love is

      Love is you and love is me

      Love is prison and love is free

      Love’s what’s there when you are away from me

      Love is…

  • I really like Pam Ayres “yes I’ll marry you” and Edward Monkton’s love poem about two dinosaurs is gorgeous!!Yes, I’ll Marry You.
    Yes, I’ll marry you, my dear,
    And here’s the reason why;
    So I can push you out of bed
    When the baby starts to cry,
    And if we hear a knocking
    And it’s creepy and it’s late,
    I hand you the torch you see,
    And you investigate.
    Yes I’ll marry you, my dear,
    You may not apprehend it,
    But when the tumble-drier goes
    It’s you that has to mend it,
    You have to face the neighbour
    Should our labrador attack him,
    And if a drunkard fondles me
    It’s you that has to whack him.

    Yes, I’ll marry you,
    You’re virile and you’re lean,
    My house is like a pigsty
    You can help to keep it clean.
    That sexy little dinner
    Which you served by candlelight,
    As I do chipolatas,
    You can cook it every night!

    It’s you who has to work the drill
    and put up curtain track,
    And when I’ve got PMT it’s you who gets the flak,
    I do see great advantages,
    But none of them for you,
    And so before you see the light,
    I do, I do, I do!

    A lovely Love Story by Edward Monkton

    The fierce Dinosaur was trapped inside his cage of ice. Although it was cold he was happy in there. It was, after all, his cage.

    Then along came the Lovely Other Dinosaur.
    The Lovely Other Dinosaur melted the Dinosaur’s cage with kind words and loving thoughts.

    I like this Dinosaur thought the Lovely Other Dinosaur.
    Although he is fierce he is also tender and he is funny.
    He is also quite clever though I will not tell him this for now.

    I like this Lovely Other Dinosaur, thought the Dinosaur. She is beautiful and she is different and she smells so nice.
    She is also a free spirit which is a quality I much admire in a dinosaur.

    But he can be so distant and so peculiar at times, thought the Lovely Other Dinosaur.
    He is also overly fond of things.
    Are all Dinosaurs so overly fond of things?

    But her mind skips from here to there so quickly thought the Dinosaur. She is also uncommonly keen on shopping.
    Are all Lovely Other Dinosaurs so uncommonly keen on shopping?

    I will forgive his peculiarity and his concern for things, thought the Lovely Other Dinosaur. For they are part of what makes him a richly charactered individual.

    I will forgive her skipping mind and her fondness for shopping, thought the Dinosaur. For she fills our life with beautiful thoughts and wonderful surprises. Besides, I am not unkeen on shopping either.

    Now the Dinosaur and the Lovely Other Dinosaur are old.
    Look at them.
    Together they stand on the hill telling each other stories and feeling the warmth of the sun on their backs.

    And that, my friends, is how it is with love.
    Let us all be Dinosaurs and Lovely Other Dinosaurs together.
    For the sun is warm.
    And the world is a beautiful place.

    Hope that helps!!!! xx

  • We love this

    He Never Leaves the Toilet Seat up — Don’t know author

    He never leaves the seat up
    Or wet towels upon the floor
    The toothpaste has the lid on
    And he always shuts the door!

    He’s very clean and tidy
    Though he may sometimes delude
    Leave your things out at your peril
    In a second they’ll have moved!

    She romances him and dines him
    Home cooked dinners and the like
    She even knows his favourite food
    And spoils him day and night!

    She’s thoughtful when he looks at her
    A smile upon his face
    Will he look that good in 50 years
    When his dentures aren’t in place?!

    He says he loves her figure
    And her mental prowess too
    But when gravity takes her over
    Will she charm with her IQ?

    She says she loves his kindness
    And his patience is a must
    And of course she thinks he’s handsome
    Which in her eyes is a plus!

    They’re both not wholly perfect
    But who are we to judge
    He can be pig headed
    Where as she won’t even budge!

    All that said and done
    They love the time they spend together
    And I hope as I’m sure you do
    That this fine day will last forever.

    He’ll be more than just her husband
    He’ll also be her friend
    And she’ll be more than just his wife
    She’ll be his soul mate ’till the end.

    This poem is for Bride and Groom
    A married couple now
    It’s a token of the love they share
    And the thought behind each vow.

  • We’re having my little sister reading this one
    A Lovely Love Story – Edward Monkton and The Promise, Eileen Rafter

  • Here’s one of ours, ‘I Rely on You’ by Hovis Presley
    We edited slightly.

    I rely on you
    like a camera needs a shutter
    like a gambler needs a flutter
    like a golfer needs a putter
    like a buttered scone involves some butter

    I rely on you
    like an acrobat needs ice cool nerve
    like a hairpin needs a drastic curve
    like an HGV needs endless derv
    like an outside left needs a body swerve

    I rely on you
    like a handyman needs pliers
    like an auctioneer needs buyers
    like a laundromat needs driers
    like The Good Life needed Richard Briers

    I rely on you.

  • Hi,

    I am struggling to find an appropriate wedding reading for my teenage son.
    He definitely is not a “Winnie the Pooh” or any kinds of dinosaur type. I have been trying to find a humorous reading for him. He like technology and funny things.

    If anyone has any suggestions.

    Many thanks
    Hannah xx

  • ‘Love is a temporary madness’ – Louis de Bernières

    Love is a temporary madness; it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is.

    Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of eternal passion. That is just being in love, which any fool can do.

    Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Those that truly love have roots that grow towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms have fallen from their branches, they find that they are one tree and not two.

  • how about the recipe for a happy marriage?

    1 cup consideration

    1 cup courtesy

    2 cupfuls flattery carefully concealed

    1 gallon faith and trust in each other

    2 cupfuls praise

    1 small pinch of in-laws

    1 reasonable budget, a generous dash of cooperation

    3 teaspoon pure extract of “I’m sorry”

    1 cup contentment

    1 cup each confidence and encouragement

    1 large or several small hobbies

    1 cup blindness to the other’s faults

    Flavor with frequent portions of recreation and a dash of happy memories. Stir well and remove any specks of jealousy, temper or criticism. Sweeten well with generous portions of love and keep warm with a steady flame of devotion. Never serve with cold shoulder.

  • You could try wedding readings from films.

    Stardust. we are seriously considering having it for our ceremony

    You know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn’t true. I know a lot about love. I’ve seen it, centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable. All those wars. Pain, lies, hate… It made me want to turn away and never look down again. But when I see the way that mankind loves… You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and… What I’m trying to say, Tristan is… I think I love you. Is this love, Tristan? I never imagined I’d know it for myself. My heart… It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it’s trying to escape because it doesn’t belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I’d wish for nothing in exchange – no gifts. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine.

    not sure if too girly 🙂

  • We’re having “Us Two” by A. A. Milne as one of our readings:

    Wherever I am, there’s always Pooh,
    There’s always Pooh and me.
    Whatever I do, he wants to do.
    “Where are you going today?” says Pooh.
    “Well, that’s very odd ‘cos I was too.
    Let’s go together,” says Pooh, says he.
    “Let’s go together,” says Pooh.

    “What’s twice eleven?” I said to Pooh.
    (“Twice what?” said Pooh to me.)
    “I think it ought to be twenty-two.”
    “Just what I think myself,” said Pooh.
    “It wasn’t an easy sum to do,
    But that’s what it is,” said Pooh, said he.
    “That’s what it is,” said Pooh.

    “Let’s look for dragons,” I said to Pooh.
    “Yes, let’s,” said Pooh to me.
    We crossed the river and found a few –
    “Yes, those are dragons all right,” said Pooh.
    “As soon as I saw their beaks I knew.”
    “That’s what they are,” said Pooh, said he.
    “That’s what they are,” said Pooh.

    “Let’s frighten the dragons,” I said to Pooh.
    “That’s right,” said Pooh to me.
    “I’m not afraid,” I said to Pooh,
    And I held his paw and I shouted “Shoo!
    Silly old dragons!”- and off they flew.
    “I wasn’t afraid,” said Pooh, said he,
    “I’m never afraid with you.”????

    So wherever I am, there’s always Pooh,
    There’s always Pooh and me.
    “What would I do,” I said to Pooh,
    “If it wasn’t for you?” And Pooh said: “True,
    It isn’t much fun for one, but two
    Can stick together,” says Pooh, says he.
    “That’s how it is,” says Pooh.

  • SAGA LOVE ~ Bee Rawlinson

    Love me when I’m old and shocking
    Peel off my elastic stockings
    Swing me from the chandeliers
    Let’s be randy bad old dears

    Push around my chromed Bath Chair
    Let me tease your white chest hair
    Scaring children, swapping dentures
    Let us have some great adventures

    Take me to the Dogs and Bingo
    Teach me how to speak the lingo
    Bone my eels and bring me tea
    Show me how it’s meant to be

    Take me to your special places
    Watching all the puzzled faces
    You in shorts and socks and sandals
    Me with warts and huge love-handles

    As the need for love enthrals
    Wrestle with my dampproof smalls
    Make me laugh without constraint
    Buy me chocolate body paint

    Hold me safe throughout the night
    When my hair has turned to white
    Believe me when I say it’s true
    I’ve waited all my life for you.

  • We’re getting married this autumn and we’re having two wedding reading. We aren’t religious, and we are both geeks so I would like something that shows off that geekyness while still being about love. We like Doctor Who, Game of Thrones, Harry Potter,Lord of the Rings etc.

    I can’t think of anything from any show/book/movie that I would like to include.

    Any ideas? Thank you for your help in advance xx

  • Have you tried this one? I like the Day the Saucers came …And

    Ambassador G’Kar’s “Declaration of Principles” from Babylon 5

    The Universe speaks in many languages, but only one voice.
    The language is not Narn or Human or Centauri
    or Gaim or Minbari.

    It speaks in the language of hope. It speaks in
    the language of trust.
    It speaks in the language of strength, and
    the language of compassion.
    It is the language of the heart and the language of the soul.
    But always it is the same voice.

    It is the voice of our ancestors speaking through us.
    And the voice of our inheritors waiting to be born.
    It is the small, still voice that says we are One.

    No matter the blood, no matter the skin,
    No matter the world, no matter the star,
    We are One.
    No matter the pain, no matter the darkness,
    No matter the loss, no matter the fear.
    We are One.

    Here, gathered together in common cause
    We agree to recognize this singular truth and this singular rule:
    That we must be kind to one another.

    Because each voice enriches us and ennobles us,
    And each voice lost diminishes us.
    We are the voice of the universe, the soul of creation,
    The fire that will light the way to a better future.

    ——————————————————– and

    An excerpt from ” The Two Towers : Being the Second Part of The Lord of the Rings” by J.R.R. Tolkien

    ENT: When Spring unfolds the beechen leaf, and sap is in the bough;
    When light is on the wild-wood stream, and wind is on the brow;
    When stride is long, and breath is deep, and keen the mountain-air,
    Come back to me! Come back to me, and say my land is fair!
    ENTWIFE.: When Spring is come to garth and field, and corn is in the blade;
    When blossom like a shining snow is on the orchard laid;
    When shower and Sun upon the Earth with fragrance fill the air,
    I*ll linger here, and will not come, because my land is fair.
    ENT.: When Summer lies upon the world, and in a noon of gold
    Beneath the roof of sleeping leaves the dreams of trees unfold;
    When woodland halls are green and cool, and wind is in the West,
    Come back to me! Come back to me, and say my land is best!
    ENTWIFE. : When Summer warms the hanging fruit and burns the berry brown;
    When straw is gold, and ear is white, and harvest comes to town;
    When honey spills, and apple swells, though wind be in the West,
    I*ll linger here beneath the Sun, because my land is best!
    ENT.: When Winter comes, the winter wild that hill and wood shall slay;
    When trees shall fall and starless night devour the sunless day;
    When wind is in the deadly East, then in the bitter rain
    I*ll look for thee, and call to thee; I*ll come to thee again!
    ENTWIFE : When Winter comes, and singing ends; when darkness falls at last;
    When broken is the barren bough, and light and labour past;
    I*ll look for thee, and wait for thee, until we meet again:
    Together we will take the road beneath the bitter rain!
    BOTH : Together we will take the road that leads into the West
    And far away will find a land where both our hearts may rest. ……

  • We are having Oh the Places You’ll Go – Dr Seuss and The owl and the pussycat by Edward Lear and The house at the pooh corner by A.A Milne

  • I’m the bride’s mother and have been asked to do a reading or poem at my daughter’s civil ceremony
    I don’t know where to start. Please help
    Thank you

  • I’m the bride’s mother and have been asked to do a reading or poem at my daughter’s civil ceremony
    I don’t know where to start. Please help
    Thank you

    • Try this one Mother to daughter! Just found this on internet.

      You are the mirror of my past,
      The future of my dreams,
      The hope for what in life may last,
      The jewel that time redeems.
      You are yourself, of course, no less,
      But also you are mine,
      The light of all my treasured days,
      The gift for which I pine.

      Long may we this closeness share,
      This place where memories play,
      And if our friendship needs repair,
      May love reveal the way.

      And now that you’re to be a wife
      With loves and passions new,
      May you find in your sweet life
      The joy I have in you.

  • Use these poems as inspiration to create your own original verse!

    From Mother to Daughter
    Simple Sentimental Verse
    (Name), My beautiful little girl
    You used to be.
    But today, (Name) – you walk down the aisle
    and it’s a beautiful woman I see.

    Sweet Humorous Toast
    Through all the years,
    The ups and downs
    Through your toddling and smiles
    (Through adolesence and your frowns)
    I loved you more than life.

    Now today we celebrate
    The coming years
    To all your new joys
    To infrequent tears,
    May you live long and happy as man and wife!

    Poem for a Card
    Dear Daughter,
    I have prayed for your happiness since the day you were born,
    and now I see your happy, shining eyes
    alight with love so warm.

    Though your image as a child always with me stays,
    I pray for your marriage
    Strength, wisdom, and love
    All your days.

  • Looking for a nice reading/ poem for my daughter to read at my upcoming wedding. One that would possibly mention a welcome to my new husband/her step dad aka pop’s and friend.

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